Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
