there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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