I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
