Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
