But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
