yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
