cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
