Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
