I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
