...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the day after is always just damage control
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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