I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
