More tranny stories later!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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