I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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