I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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