I faked an abortion last night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
