hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
