Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
