News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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