I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
