in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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