i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
