she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
