I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
