FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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