She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
