Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
