Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
