barbara walters just said penis...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
