Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
