nut hugger
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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