Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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