look no pants
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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