Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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