I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
