really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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