First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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