The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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