peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
