I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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