in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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