I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
