i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
