I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
