in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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