Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
