Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
