hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
