Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
