i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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