please come you make the beer taste better
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
