did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
