He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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