I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
