chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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